I feel shame

I am frustrated by the fact that this situation causes me shame.  I think it hurts my pride.  I am angry that I feel ashamed.  Logically, I know that I did not do anything wrong to cause this situation.  I was not FIRED!  My position was eliminated due to budget considerations.  That should be enough to allow me to be blameless, right?  But something deep inside is feeling very low and unworthy.  Maybe this is because I know that there were only 6 people out of 200 that had their positions eliminated and I was one of them.  There seemed to be no department restructure issue that caused my lay-off.  The work I did will still have to be done by someone, so what made me so unworthy to continue to do that work?  That must the be crux of the shame.  It is unfortunate that the shame attacked today while at work.  I spent most of the morning with hot wet eyes, holding back the feelings and tears.  By afternoon, I was better able to hold it together but it was not a good day.  There was a party at work today for all the volunteers and employees.  Everyone seemed to be laughing and having a great time, but it only made me acutely aware that I would miss these times.  I resented the people who are having fun right in the midst of my pain.  ugh.....  Yet I don't want their fun denied to them either.  Many of them seem scared that they will be next.  I will be free of this frightening environment but many others will remain after I leave but live in fear.