How can I describe the pain of today to people who have not gone through it? I did not see this coming this morning. I was happy and optimistic about my future when I got to work. I really miss my friends.. sounds like a 4rth grader, doesn't it? NEVER make your work friends the sole source of your social network. Shame on me for filling that friend bucket in that way! I had a peer group that I loved dearly and we had something in common. We were all working toward the same outcome and I truly love these women I work with! They were my friends. Lately as I take the role of an invisible outsider, I feel them slip from me. That hurts! Not that they are hurting me, but that the situation is hurting me. Then the last straw was sitting in a meeting discussing the future of the business and the group, and activities planned, it became unbearably real that I would never participate in or with that group again. One of the things I actually loved about my job was working with this particular group of people and having some voice in how things would work at the company. Now that is gone and I am devastated all over again today. I had to leave the meeting early. No one saw me break down in tears, except another colleague in the same situation as I. Her job has been eliminated too. I don't know how much longer I can act strong and remain positive, but I will return to work tomorrow and do just that! I don't really want others to see the pain. It is embarrassing, even more so when others don't seem to understand it! They say to me "you didn't seem to like your job" (really? do you seem to love your job everyday?), or they say "it will get better" (ok, but when? I am ready). Or they say nothing at all, as they don't know what real thing to say to this kind of hurt.
Tonight I want to go to bed and wake in the morning from this nightmare. I want my life back, even with it's frustrating or pitiful moments. I want to remain in the same environment that I was in prior to October 20. So someone wake me up, hold me close, and tell me that it was a nightmare... tell me it will be ok... and mean it somehow.
It will be OK....and I DO mean it. It will not be the same, but it will be ok. It will not be immediate, but it will be ok. In fact, it will be better, because you are taking control of your own destiny, rather than leaving it in someone else's hands. The limits will be off, so you can be more and take your life farther. (P.S. True friends do not evaporate in a matter of weeks)
ReplyDeleteThanks gpharvest. Those words are what I needed. So much of me is looking forward to all the opportunities that lie ahead.
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