Friday, April 1, 2011

I would do it all over again

It has been 5 months now since I had the rug pulled out from under my comfortable feet. The feeling of that moment will never be forgotten, as I literally felt that I was falling into a dark pit, like one of those nightmares that you pray you will awaken from, where you are falling and petrified and it feels so real that you wake up in emotional turmoil and it takes a while to get back to sleep. That is just how it felt to lose the job I had worked for 12 years and thought I would be working for the rest of my life. I really expected to just die at my desk someday.

It took many months to come to terms with the reality of the situation. There were many nights that I went to bed hoping for a call the next day from someone who would tell me they wanted me back. I just prayed that one day one of them would wake up and say, "we need Julie for ...." (fill in the blank - I would have almost taken anything to feel wanted). That prayer was not answered.

Instead of praying for a specific event to unfold the way I thought it should, I began praying for the guidance to know what to do with the rest of my life. Unsure of how the answer would come, I waited for a defining moment to be certain of my convictions. I got that defining moment last night from a dear lady that has been my friend even more than ever since my job loss. She called with news out of the blue and then we chatted and God spoke through her. I digested the information for a while before approaching my husband with my revelation and guess what? He confirmed he had the same vision for our future! The relief is great today.

The pain is now gone. All the turmoil of that period of time was good for me and helped me grow into a much more rounded and compassionate person. I am a much better friend now that I know what friendship really is. People matter to me in a much more caring way now. Reaching out to as many people as possible, I long to ease others' pain as opposed to just treading water and working to keep my own pain at bay. What you give will really come back to you ten-fold. That I have learned, along with the feeling that giving has to the person giving and the person receiving.

I am grateful for all of the lessons and experiences of the last 5 months. I am grateful to the friends and family that have provided unconditional support to me and shown me love through the whole thing.