How it really feels to be laid off....

Today is my first day at home with no job.  Yesterday was just too busy to fully evaluate this feeling with my mother in the hospital, lunch plans with a dear friend, appointments to keep, a cell phone to re-program, etc.  Today the "rubber hits the road" and...  I am kind of pissed off all over again.  Today I might have too much time on my hands because I have an overwhelming urge to clean the house from top to bottom.  This may be a good idea, though, because it would keep me busy enough not to send "nasty-grams" to people for taking my job from me.  The anger is a bit irrational, actually, and I know that, but it is there nonetheless.
I am used to spending evenings in front of my computer relaxing after a full day of work, with the television playing Sponge Bob in the background (I have a 9-year old daughter), but today in front of my computer feels too much like work for no money at all!  Today has been full of making appointments to manage the little money we have coming in the door, and searching for ways to make a little money on line.
My resume was printed this am and I have it prepared to mail to a company to begin my job search, yet it still sits in front of me and not in the mailbox.  No matter how many times I (and others) have assured myself that my position elimination was not personal, I feel unwanted and unsure of where I belong.  I fear being unacceptable in a new environment and it makes me anxious when I consider sending this resume to a new company.
Today I have also had to come to grips with answering the question of "what are you going to do?", and my answer being "I don't know yet".  That makes me feel like a big loser because I really don't know what I am going to do or where I am going to work, or if I am going to work at all.
So the "stinking thinking" has crept back in me today... tomorrow I am excited to leave the house in the morning for a mammogram... now that is pathetic!  But this too shall pass, and at least I am going to learn a little patience through this experience.