And I felt healed. I am finally believing in myself.

The stages of grief are a fascinating thing to experience. I did my denial and bargaining months ago. I conquered my sadness after that and just recently let go of my anger with a little help from a class about the 3 principles. So I am firmly entrenched in acceptance and skipping through my unemployed days in front of my laptop writing articles for web content just as content as can be.
Then all of a sudden last night came the nightmare. I remember versions of this nightmare occurring several weeks ago but I have had so many great nights of sleep that I had almost forgotten it. It seemed so realistic to dream through my last week on the job once again. It was a nightmare going to work every day, knowing I had to leave when I wasn't ready to go. The dream last night was vivid and could have been disturbing except that when I woke up, I realized that those emotions were old and these were just thoughts that appeared in my subconscious. I did not have to feel bad about those thoughts anymore, or give them any merit whatsoever. And I felt healed.

I promised this blog would include success stories and I think I am living one. Having recovered from the horrible devastation, I was still very afraid to enter the work world. My faith in myself was shaken such that just thinking about starting a new job was terrifying. But even that has turned into a feeling of joy at not having a job. I work for myself now. I have taken my passion for writing and searched and networked with people and I am beginning to see financial rewards from doing what I love to do every day on my own terms. I think that is a success.
The other success that has occurred is that my self esteem is climbing as I get re-affirmed on occasion about some of my work. When I first began writing articles I feared failure so much that I would sometimes sit paralyzed in front of my computer and unable to type. I have experienced rejection while writing but each time it stings less and feels less personal. I am getting used to it and I am learning from it. And each little step forward and each little successful article I write leads to an incremental increase in self esteem.
I think I could do this forever, like a new job. Wish me luck. I dare to dream to be an author and entrepreneur. For the people who are non-believers or who scoff at that statement, it is them I pity, not my situation. I am finally believing in myself.